*Disclaimer/Trigger Warning: I do have MDD as well as an anxiety disorder. I frequently suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. I do blog about it. If this is an issue, do not follow me.
Things I Write
Because I work outside all day (and never stop sweating) I have fucking acne on my chest and back (and a lot of scars). I looked up what to do about it, but most information says to pretty much treat it as if it were on your face. The only problem is that it’s kind of hard to reach my back. I also sweat a LOT every day. There is no way around that. I don’t really get pimples on my back, just angry red spots. I think I’m going to buy some Dr. Bronner’s Tea Tree soap and wash my back with that every day. I don’t really have time for much else, but I realllly want all those red spots gone by next Thursday. The dress I’m wearing is completely open-back, and I’d really rather not have spots and marks all over my back at the AOAs =[
Does anyone have any other suggestions, anything that works well for them?
Today was a good day. Hung out with 2 really awesome people, and got to say hi to a third =]
I was thinking about my sleep apnea, and it made me think about all the other stuff that sometimes happens when I sleep. So here is a list, because I haven’t fallen asleep yet:
Stop breathing/sleep apnea
Grind my teeth
Talk in my sleep
Kick and squirm
Cuddle anything in my bed (including people, stuffed animals, and real animals)
On rare occasions, I have sleep walked.
I have had night terrors, but they don’t happen very often.
I also drool…but doesnt everyone?
I think that’s about it. I’ve never been told I snore (which is odd, considering how bad my allergies get). Hmm..
Sometimes I just feel like a whore. It seems like the only people who ever really want to be with me, just want me for the sex (whether I’m actually any good or not). But I feel like so few people who (would) actually give a fuck about ME (not my body or what I can do with it), and want to call me theirs.
I feel so goddamn lonely. I want so badly to be held. To be cared about. To be loved. Is there something wrong with me? Am I missing something?
I feel like a leper. I feel so undesirable as a whole person. I’m not even attractive, and sometimes I wish I was more unattractive so I would know someone wanted to be with me for more than sex.
I just…hurt. All the time.